So, today I want to talk about my POV on marriage. I will be 23 years old this year and many of my friends are starting to settle down, one by one. It's not like I am not happy for them (I am super happy, really) but it also gives me a lot of things to think about.
I live in (let's say) a traditional environment. People go to school and college and after graduation will soon get married. Most of my family members are married when they were 23-25 years old. My mom was 23rd when she married to my father. Somehow it becomes a standard for our family to start looking for marriage partner on my age. Speaking of family queue, I have one more uncle before me who hasn't married yet and sometimes it makes me nervous and makes me uneasy when people start to talk about when will my turn, more often.
When I was very young, marriage is something I was looking forward. Like, I really want to graduate from school as soon as possible, so I can get married right away. Or whenever I have hard times in school I would like to say "AHH I WANT TO GET MARRIED!". But I don't exactly know since when it starts to change. I start to know that there are a lot of things that I want to achieve before I serve my own family.
I have to admit that ever since I know how western people think and live (probably during junior high school time), it gives some influence to the way I think. I don't see marriage as a final goal anymore. Don't get me wrong tho. It's not like I don't want to get married and don't want to preserve my DNA in this universe or even worse, some of my SNS friends think I don't like men (NO! I am pretty much weak for boys gdi). It's just.. I want to wait for a right time, for a right person. PLUS right now, I am not together with anyone~ So yeah~ (When you want to get married, it is a must for you to have partner!)
When I was in Thailand, I had a very deep talk about marriage and future with my friends (Indonesian and Filipinos). My Indonesian friends said they want to get married probably not so long after graduation from university. But it's so different with my Filipino friends. They said they want to get married when they're at least stable in economy, get decent job, and so on. 30 years old will be the earliest (at least on their common culture).
It opens my eyes. That marriage is not just about wedding party. There're so many aspects that I personally have to prepare in order to make my self ready. I also have a lot of things that I want to do first (go abroad, experience new things, and many more) that I believe it will be difficult to be done when I am a married girl.
About marriage itself, we are talking about living together for a long time. It's not 10 years or 20 years, it will be forever. FOREVER. Of course I want to spend my time FOREVER with a right person. I have seen many marriages failed with my own eyes. I also have seen so many happy marriages. I consider it as my guides. To create a better family of my own. But it takes time. I need to sort so many things for that. Which one I should take and follow, and which one I shouldn't.
I have to admit that, whenever my mom goes to her friends' children wedding party she receives at least one question of "When will your daughter get married?" If I am there together with her, I will answer directly to their faces! But when I am not around, I don't know how my mom handle it, then she will tell me and I really feel uneasy. It is something that I can't say directly to my parents. That I don't feel okay if we talk about it for so many times.
I know I can't control how society think about it. But I really hope that people will never ever force someone (directly or indirectly) to tie the knot. All of us have our own pace. Don't make what is common in society as a must and absolute rule. This is about other people's lives we are talking about. You may think that you know everything about a certain person, but in fact you don't. No one will ever know someone best than that someone itself. If you feel like it's the best for you to settle down at 20's then go ahead. Don't mock people who wants to wait a little longer. Don't mock their parents as well.
To end this long-ass bullshit, I will quote this one:
I believe God has a path for me. He's always had a path for me, and I've always been in the right place at the right time - not because of my efforts, but because of my preparation and because of the guides that I have, the mentors that I have, the spiritual walkers that I've had all my life. -- Judith Jamison
For everyone who is still waiting for the right time and the right person, God with us.
Until next time~
- Nida 💕